Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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