You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
