I heard we made out
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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