she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
