I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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