we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
