some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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