Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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