You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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