I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
