i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
