The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
