He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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