I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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