He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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