Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
