Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize