i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
