Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
