what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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