think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
