...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize