Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
