What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
