HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
