You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
