Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
