you win again, gameday.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
