He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
