Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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