Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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