I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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