Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
