I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's blow job season.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize