Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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