i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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