Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i came on her dog
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
