You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I look better un-naked...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
