I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
