if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
