That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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