how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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