I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Found your dick twin last night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize