if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
