Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
