She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
