just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize