we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
