I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
