thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
