mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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