life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
