Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize