Kiss
Puke
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
