Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
