i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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