He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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