we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
should my penis look like a turkey
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
