I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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