i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize