I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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