its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
