Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
