I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
