so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
