i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
