Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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